


Hello, Goodbye

by Nynaeve



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Grief, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-16
Updated: 2010-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 14:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nynaeve/pseuds/Nynaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the two year anniversary of her father and fiance's death and she just wants to mourn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello, Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> _A/N: Over on LiveJournal (nynaeve_sedai) I'm doing a Fanfic 100 challenge. The word for this one is "Strangers"._

The glass of Vulcan ale sat barely touched on the table in front of her while the bar on the space station bustled. Kathryn's eyes stared listlessly at the crowd while her finger drew circles on the table with the condensation from her drink. Most days she could put the face on and recently the face had become a true reflection of herself, but today was the one day she felt she could give voice to her still grieving soul. Commander Luceri, the first officer, had simply nodded in understanding when she asked if she could have leave for a couple days while they were waylaid at the interplanetary station.

"Oh no, I knew you'd be doing this. C'mon Kathryn, there's a party up a level," her former roommate and no doubt life-long friend, Mel, urged, sliding into the booth next to her.

"Well of course I'd be doing this. I told you I'd be doing this," she retorted, forcing herself to take a sip of the beverage in front of her in an attempt to look like she was somewhat enjoying herself. Not that her companion would believe her.

"So I'm here to rescue you!"

"I don't need rescuing."

"Phoebe told me all about it," Mel confessed, her raven curls falling softly around her face. She wore a lovely red pantsuit that offset her brown eyes and Kathryn was decidedly envious. Even if she _did_ feel like going up a level, which she didn't, there wasn't a chance any guy would even notice her with her red-hair clipped back and clad in a dull beige dress. An elbow in her rib jolted her back to reality. "C'mon! The _Heritage_ docked here too and I saw some fresh meat!"

"Mel! Listen to yourself," she chided pushing away her glass.

Her friend poked her in the upper arm. "I'm not leaving until you come." She crossed her arms and Kathryn knew it was a lost cause.

Putting her hands up as a sign of surrender she slid out of the booth. "All right, you win. But only for an hour and then I'm going back to my quarters to read."

Satisfied, Mel grabbed her arm and practically dragged her out of the bar. On one hand she knew she should be grateful to be stationed with a friend who knew her history and wasn't willing to let her regress into the black that had claimed her after her loss. On the other, she desperately wanted to be alone so that she could struggle through the bleak moments in her own way. Kathryn didn't know how to bring vibrancy back into her life or if it were even possible. Some part of her had gone dark and she still couldn't reach it.

The club was pounding away with the beat from a band that had come from a distant corner of the Federation. The tempo was quick and the rhythm almost tribal. Lights of all different colors flickered on and off and she was somewhat relieved that Mel didn't expect her to head out to the dance floor. The steps were far too complicated - she just didn't go out dancing enough to learn them - and she didn't want to be one of those on the outskirts of the lit dance floor who looked like they were having some sort of seizure. A vacant stool in the corner called her name and she settled in for the hour she had promised.

"I'd rather be cleaning plasma manifolds." The masculine voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned towards the person speaking. In the dim lighting Kathryn could make out a chiseled jaw and the pulsating glow gave her the ability to at least find his eyes although she doubted she would be able to ever pick him out of a line up. Not that she would need to this far inside Federation territory.

"I'd just like to be in my quarters reading a good book," she responded.

A smile formed, "Now that I would _definitely_ rather be doing. I prefer the quiet."

"What?" she shouted as the volume on the song increased.

"I prefer silence!" he hollered back. Any further attempts at conversation were impeded but finally a slower, more subdued play list started up. Kathryn couldn't pick out Mel from the horde and figured she'd probably already bagged herself someone for the evening. Like Kathryn, Justin often opted for staying in and having a discussion over a candlelit dinner. These sorts of gatherings tended to put him on edge though for different reasons than her. His was rooted in his elite training and troubled youth. Hers was rooted in her dislike for chaos. They had been a good match, she reflected.

"A credit for your thoughts," the unfamiliar man asked her and she gave him a weak smile.

"Afraid they aren't worth much," she demurred, inhaling deeply and wondering if she could leave yet.

"Sorry, you probably just want to be left alone. I just thought... you look so sad."

No, this wasn't at all what she wanted. How the hell could he tell what she looked like in the dark? She wanted to snap something at him about minding his own business and then stalk away but when she glanced at him she could sense sincerity in his observation and her indignation dissipated. He was just trying to be friendly, she scolded herself, and he wasn't wrong.

"Today's an anniversary I'd rather not talk about," she explained, hoping the short answer would satisfy and she could sit in peace a little longer before making her escape. He rubbed his palms on his thighs as though contemplating his next move and Kathryn let her focus wander towards trying to figure out if she could find Mel and make her apologies for bailing. Suddenly she felt a hand cover hers.

"Would you like to dance?"

Her mouth went dry and her heart began to race. Images of Justin flashed through her mind and so she shook her head. "I don't know any of these and I'm afraid I wouldn't be a very good partner," she begged off. He gave her a gentle tug - firm enough to try to encourage her, but soft enough that there was no threat.

"Let me teach you," he requested, his mouth was now close to her ear, his breath hot against her skin. "Please?" Later she would tell herself it was the half glass of Vulcan ale that did her in, after all she'd never been able to hold her liquor worth her salt despite her Irish heritage. Regardless, she nodded and let him lead her out to the crowd. A strong hand on the small of her back pressed her against him while the other cupped her chin. She wished she could see him so that she would be able to recognize him later. She wanted to ask him his name but the din was overwhelming. Letting another lead was not something she was necessarily good at and unfortunately they found themselves running into at least two other couples who barely even batted an eye in their direction.

"You've got to let go. Stop trying to be in control," he instructed and a flash of irritation swept through her, but a twirl and a dip later, Kathryn forgot about it. Forcing herself to relax she tried to remember her ballet lessons about internalizing the music and letting it flow like a river through her veins. Closing her eyes she took in a deep breath and instead of trying to anticipate her partner's moves, she let her body respond. She still almost tripped once or twice, but it came easier than it had previously. Three tunes cycled and the fourth was fast paced, filled with the sounds of timpani tones and heavy drum beats. His hands were on her hips now pushing them back and forth in hypnotic undulation. The tiny voice of awkwardness never fully left her but when she caught a glimpse of her fellow dancers in her peripheral vision, the fact that no one even noticed her pushed her confidence up a little higher. Still, without his guidance, she knew she'd never be able to replicate the erotic, salsa-like pattern. The friction between their bodies heightened and his eyes glimmered with lust. Fear and desire intermingled in her belly as she tried to figure out what she was going to do next.

Kathryn didn't even get a chance to really think it through because as the last chords faded out her mysterious companion pushed her backwards to a pillar that hid them from any prying eyes. His lips covered hers and she didn't try to fight him. The loneliness over the last two years had been more agonizing than she had been able to admit to herself. She wanted Justin again. No, the man wasn't Justin, but without being able to see his face, what did it matter if she made him a substitute? If she kept her eyes shut she could conjure up the way her fiance had felt between her legs. The same hard flesh. The same salty taste. A sob escaped her and a tear slid down her cheek as the stranger nipped at her neck in the way she loved.

The ease with which she was ready to let this unknown man into her body startled her but she rationalized it away. Everyone had one night stands; Mel had more than one whenever they were on leave. Why not her? Why not now? He was just looking for a warm body. She just needed a little comfort. His fingers were fiddling with the hem on the skirt of her dress when the painful yanking of her arm jolted her out of her passion-induced haze. Mel's face was contorted in fury.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed and then she turned her glower onto Kathryn's would-be lover.

Anger made her cheeks hot as she jerked herself out of her friend's grip. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm enjoying myself, isn't that what you wanted?"

"We're leaving," Mel ordered, still eying the nameless man. "You, what's your name? I ought have you brought up on charges for assaulting her!"

"I would have stopped if she'd asked," he protested. "Who died and made you the space station commander?"

Everything started to feel surreal to Kathryn. The two were still bickering and without even waiting for either one to acknowledge her existence she headed towards the door and ducked out into the corridor. Had she really been that close to screwing someone who's name she didn't even know? Finding a fairly secluded bench, she collapsed onto it and put her face in her hands. The torrent that had been buried began to pour from her blue eyes and she let herself weep freely. It wasn't long before she felt the welcomed embrace of her friend. Mel made soothing noises into her hair and kissed her temple.

"I wanted him to be Justin," she confessed between choked sobs. "I miss him so much, Mel. I want him back. I want him back." Her friend squeezed tighter and rocked her back and forth.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I shouldn't have pushed you out tonight, it's just that I worry that you're going to lock yourself up again," she admitted. "I really am sorry."

She shook her head. "You meant well. I just want to go home." Helping her up, Mel linked arms with her and they headed towards where their ship was docked. Kathryn tried unsuccessfully to wipe the tears from her cheeks but thankfully the flood slowed and eventually stopped by the time they reached her quarters.

"Are you going to be okay tonight?"

"No. I have some thinking I have to do," Kathryn said, a hitch in her voice. "I will be okay though. I just... did you get his name? I feel like I should know the name of the man I was willing to do against a wall." A grimace of shame crossed her visage.

Mel waved her hand. "Chalky or Chocolatey or something. I don't know it was too loud and I didn't really let it stick since it turned out he didn't y'know... do anything wrong." Her friend averted her gaze before meeting her eyes again. "I only stopped you because of what today is, you know? I mean, what you do is your business and I'm not really one to talk but I just... I know _you_. I promise I won't come breaking up anymore of your amorous moments anymore..."

The disheveled red-head reached out a hand and squeezed her friend's arm. "You did the right thing. Just next time, remember that I do have pretty decent hand-to-hand skills. If he'd been assaulting me I would've just kneed him."

"Good to know," Mel replied with a small laugh. "Well, get some sleep. If you need me, call?"

"I will."

Kathryn let her shoulders sag once she was safe inside her quarters. Walking to her nightstand, she pulled out a small box and opened it up. Inside sat a small silver ring with an iridescent stone that glittered blue and green in the light. A beep made her look up and she placed the jewelry back where she had gotten it. Her console indicated that she had a new message and she let the first genuine grin of the evening break out.

 _Kath - Just thought I'd let you know I was thinking about you today. - Mark._

And she knew it was all going to be okay.


End file.
